And so it begins....

I need a minimum of 30 round loaves to get through Rosh Hashana, Shabbos after, first half of Sukkos, and Shabbos chol hamoed......

 

  

 

Simanim Cards for Rosh Hashana

I've been getting a huge response to these simanim cards for Rosh Hashana, so figured I would post a link here. They include the yehi ratzons for the Rosh Hashana simanim in hebrew, english, and transliteration. They make following along very easy for guests of ALL/non Hebrew speaking levels/backgrounds.

Just check out A Squared Designs on facebook and follow the steps listed (like the page, share the photo, then send an email) and you'll have your very own printable PDF just in time for yontif!

we need to move

student: nice rainboots
me: thanks
student: you know it's not raining today
me: weather.com's app said it was this morning. plus i stepped in a huge puddle when i got out of the car this morning.
student: yeh it rained a lot last night
me: plus i haven't been able to shower in days, and i really need to shave my legs


no, i didn't really say the last line out loud. this no hot water thing is really changing how i have to dress though. thank G-d i wear a sheitel....

oddly specific

I get sent on annoying errands for work all the time. They're especially annoying when they involve vague (non kosher) food requests. If i had an assistant, i think i'd still do all my own work (too much of a control freak) except it would be handy to send her on annoying errands. I'd have to be annoyingly specific though.... please pick up a small fountain soda. flavor: dr pepper. if no dr pepper, a pepsi. if no pepsi, cherry coke is ok. if no cherry coke, nothing. no cans and no bottles, fountain only. if you can fill the cup yourself, tilt the cup and hit the lever so the soda hits the side of the cup and not the bottom (decreases the foam), stop every few seconds and re-start, i think it makes it more syrupy that way.

i have issues.

Awkward

awkward: having to pick up lunch for a professor you work for.

more awkward: having to pick up food from a non kosher restaurant/food truck for a professor you work for.

most awkward: having to pick up food from a non kosher restaurant/food truck -- with potential of being spotted by a) college students who know your husband is the "campus rabbi" and/or b) colleagues who know you can only eat special *kosher* food.

Let's just hope everyone around here is dan l'kaf zechus....

Trust

Saw this on facebook, and thought it would be a good self-reminder if i posted it here.

Me (in a tizzy) : God, can I ask you something?

GOD: Sure.

Me: Promise you won't get mad?

GOD: I promise.

Me (frustrated): Why did you let so much stuff happen to me today?

GOD: What do you mean?

Me: Well I woke up late,

GOD: Yes

Me: My car took forever to start,

GOD: Okay....

Me (growling): At lunch, they made my sandwich wrong and I had to wait

GOD: Hmmmm..

Me: On the way home, my phone went dead, just as I picked up a call

GOD: All right

Me (loudly): And to top it all off, when I got home, I just wanted to soak my feet in my foot massager and relax, but it wouldn't work. Nothing went right today! Why did you do that?

GOD: Well let me see..... the death angel was at your bed this morning and I had to send one of the other angels to battle him for your life. I let you sleep through that.

Me (humbled): Oh...

GOD: I didn't let your car start because there was a drunk driver on your route that might have hit you if you were on the road

Me (ashamed): ............

GOD: The first person who made your sandwich today was sick and I didn't want you to catch what they have, I knew you couldn't afford to miss work

Me (embarrassed): Oh.....

GOD: Your phone went dead because the person that was calling was going to give a false witness about what you said on that call, I didn't even let you talk to them so you would be covered

Me (softly): I see God

GOD: Oh and that foot massager, it had a short that was going to throw out all of the power in your house tonight. I didn't think you wanted to be in the dark.

Me: I'm sorry God.

GOD: Don't be sorry, just learn to trust me.........in all things, the good and the bad

Me: I WILL trust you God

GOD: And don't doubt that my plan for your day is always better than your plan

Me: I won't God. And let me just tell you God, thank you for everything today.

GOD: You're welcome child. It was just another day being your God and I love looking after my children

Siri - Not So Much 'As Seen on TV'

If you've seen any iPhone 4s commercial you've seen how amazing Siri is. Supposedly.
Aside from having a hard time with hebrew/yiddish names, there are some basic things that don't work as fluidly as shown on TV....

here's a recent conversation, not involving any foreign languages. My brother in law was on his way to a hockey game and texted me to look up an address on my phone. I happened to be driving, so i asked Siri for some help....

Siri: How can i help you?
Me: What's the address for Nassau Coliseum?
Siri: I'm sorry, I can't find Nassau Coliseum.

okay, let's try this in a round about way.....

Siri: How can i help you?
Me: Where do the New York Islanders play?
Siri: Ok

*iPod starts to play*